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Where My Love Lies Waiting Silently For Me

The power of positive thinking only goes so far sometimes.

As I've stated in previous journal entries, I'm moving tomorrow without a real place to stay.  Anna was kind enough to offer a night, Laurel another, and my friend Larisa stated that she might be able to find an option for me somewhere.  It's all appreciated more than I can express to any of these women. 

It's also overwhelming in another way.  As wonderful and kind as my friends are, I've been in this position often enough to know the difference between being a welcome guest and an imposition, and what with everyone being crushed under the weight of Christmas responsibilities and/or major family issues, I'm afraid that I'm well into being the latter right now.  I hate that.  I hate the idea of being a burden to any of these people, all of whom have been nothing but wonderful, loving, and supportive of me at all times.  I hate this instability, this uncertainty, this sense of being just one step away from the emergency shelter at the National Guard Armory.  Today Chana and I were thinking of packing up and taking off to San Diego, but frankly, I'm not sure who we could stay with there after eight years away from my hometown.

I'm not in despair.  Not yet.  But I can feel the ball circling the hole over and over, ready to drop in, and it's taking all of my willpower to keep it out.

I want to be safe.

I want to be warm.

I want to be home.

Comments

We'd find some place for you to stay. And by "we", I mean everyone down here who misses you: myself, Allison, Carisa, Janet, Bill and Carol, Marc, and others that I can't remember right now. While I can't speak for anyone else's ability or willingness to put you up, I'd be willing to let you crash at my place for a short while if you needed to. But give me some notice, because I'd need to move some things around.
Thanks. I'm keeping my eyes peeled for job opportunities in my field down in San Diego. This made me feel a lot better. Not so much that I'm planning on doing it, but as I always tell my clients: It's often easier to walk the tightrope when you know that the net is down there.

Hang in there!

Hi Eris, I've got my fingers crossed for you dude. I hope everything works out well for you and you find "home" in the coming year.

I'm so glad you turned me on to your blog, I've really enjoyed reading your stories and your thoughts.

Take care Eris, best wishes for the holiday and for every day.

Your pal,
weejie
Jesus, where's the edit button? I didn't mean to leave such a LARGE "Hang in there"!